I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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