Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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