I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
