Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
