i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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