final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
