OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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