you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will be naked everywhere
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
