Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
