i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
