He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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