if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
