I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
