Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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