I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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