I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
