Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
