I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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