I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Drake has all the answers
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
