as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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