Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
