we have officially lost it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
