My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
