i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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