I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Boobs speak an international language.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
