Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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