I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
