Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
