I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
