Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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