There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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