I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
