mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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