i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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