HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
