I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
