I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
