did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
