Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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