I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
