i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
