just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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