OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
