You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
