I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
