you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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