If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
