Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
