I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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