ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
