He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
