Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
