we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
