I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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