Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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