im six kinds of drunk right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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