I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
