I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
