Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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