if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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