me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
