There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
