So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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