If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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