I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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