If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
