This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
