we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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