did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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