Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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