He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
