Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
