Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
