A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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