I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
