he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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