the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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