Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
