plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize