May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
