I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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