yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
