You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
