New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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