dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
