Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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