I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
