Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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